Sunless Non-Tanning

So I had a sunless tanning "accident."  My skin is generally so pale that I could convince people of the existence of vampires if I shunned sunlight.  And I should shun sunlight because I can get a sunburn standing outside for fifteen minutes at 10:30 in the morning.  So I'm always thinking I should try these sunless tanning lotions, though in the past they haven't darkened my skin much at all.  

I'm not sure what went wrong this time.  Maybe I was in a hurry?  Maybe I was tired?  (I applied  the sunless lotion, the first time, around 11:00 p.m.)  Maybe I shouldn't have saved the stuff from last year?  (Hey, it says it doesn't expire until 5/09 . . . I thought that was the year.)  Anyway, I ended up looking like I either had some sort of bark-like skin disease or I was maybe, gradually, turning into an Oompa-loompa.  In a streaky sort of way. 

First I tried to fix it by applying the sunless tanning lotion in between the streaks and swirls.  This didn't really work, plus I ended up with several more streaks and swirls.  I tried this twice a day over three or four days.  So it really, really didn't work.  I wore black stockings to an event last Thursday, and if you looked, you could see the blotches through the hose.  (No one was looking.  It wasn't that kind of event.)

Anyway, I went online, of course, and googled "sunless tanning remove" and got a great, hysterical site with lots of good advice.  The main gist of it was, however, "just wait; it's not permanent."   :Resigned sigh:  Maybe what I'd wait on was taking the kids to the new pool we'd signed up for--just until I didn' t look like a mad scientist's skin grafting experiment.

But then something interesting happened.  I put bug spray (non DEET, mostly citronella) on the kids and myself so we could survive on the deck for half an hour, and when we came in, I grabbed some baby wipes and rubbed the bug spray off everyone.  When I rubbed it off of me, my baby wipe came away strangely orangeish.  Wait . . . orangeish??  Could it be?  YES!  Baby wipes remove the color from sunless tanning products.  At least the Huggies one I used did.  And I think it was the baby wipe and not the bug spray/baby wipe combo.

I know.  Moms everywhere are nodding in understanding, not surprised at all.  Baby wipes are the secret mom weapon.  They get out grape juice and pizza stains.  They clean sticky fingers of toxic goo.  I should have thought of them earlier.  Now all I have to worry about is my swimsuit fitting!