Sunless Non-Tanning

So I had a sunless tanning "accident."  My skin is generally so pale that I could convince people of the existence of vampires if I shunned sunlight.  And I should shun sunlight because I can get a sunburn standing outside for fifteen minutes at 10:30 in the morning.  So I'm always thinking I should try these sunless tanning lotions, though in the past they haven't darkened my skin much at all.  

I'm not sure what went wrong this time.  Maybe I was in a hurry?  Maybe I was tired?  (I applied  the sunless lotion, the first time, around 11:00 p.m.)  Maybe I shouldn't have saved the stuff from last year?  (Hey, it says it doesn't expire until 5/09 . . . I thought that was the year.)  Anyway, I ended up looking like I either had some sort of bark-like skin disease or I was maybe, gradually, turning into an Oompa-loompa.  In a streaky sort of way. 

First I tried to fix it by applying the sunless tanning lotion in between the streaks and swirls.  This didn't really work, plus I ended up with several more streaks and swirls.  I tried this twice a day over three or four days.  So it really, really didn't work.  I wore black stockings to an event last Thursday, and if you looked, you could see the blotches through the hose.  (No one was looking.  It wasn't that kind of event.)

Anyway, I went online, of course, and googled "sunless tanning remove" and got a great, hysterical site with lots of good advice.  The main gist of it was, however, "just wait; it's not permanent."   :Resigned sigh:  Maybe what I'd wait on was taking the kids to the new pool we'd signed up for--just until I didn' t look like a mad scientist's skin grafting experiment.

But then something interesting happened.  I put bug spray (non DEET, mostly citronella) on the kids and myself so we could survive on the deck for half an hour, and when we came in, I grabbed some baby wipes and rubbed the bug spray off everyone.  When I rubbed it off of me, my baby wipe came away strangely orangeish.  Wait . . . orangeish??  Could it be?  YES!  Baby wipes remove the color from sunless tanning products.  At least the Huggies one I used did.  And I think it was the baby wipe and not the bug spray/baby wipe combo.

I know.  Moms everywhere are nodding in understanding, not surprised at all.  Baby wipes are the secret mom weapon.  They get out grape juice and pizza stains.  They clean sticky fingers of toxic goo.  I should have thought of them earlier.  Now all I have to worry about is my swimsuit fitting!

The Outlaw Demon Wails - Kim Harrison

This is book six in the Rachel Morgan series, and I've read and enjoyed all six.  The series takes place in an alternate here-and-now, where vampires, werewolves, witches, elves, and demons all more or less co-exist with humans.  It's a bit like Laurell K. Hamilton without the pointless sex.  (The series has sex.  Just not pointless sex.) The characters are truly unique and engaging, and Harrison draws you in and makes you care about even the ones with insignificant roles.   (More about this new gargoyle, please!)  The reintroduction of Marshall is a solitary example of a character I don't really care about.  His presence feels pointless (except to develop more relationship angst, see below).

Harrrison does a great job of catching you up if, like me, you have trouble remembering any but the most sketchy details from the previous books.  Still, despite the plethora of back story, I think you'd only be deeply, deeply confused if you were reading these out of order.  (Dead Witch Walking is the first one.)

One of the author's weaknesses is a way-too-realistic emphasis on relationship angst.  Sure, Rachel's life is 100% screwed up, and any normal person would spend at least as much time worrying about it as she does, but reading about her worrying about it gets a little old.  Plus the whole "Oh no, has my relationship with Ivy changed?" thing is now tedious.  Let's just write down on a pad of paper that Rachel and Ivy are in it for the long haul.  Refer to as necessary.

Another thing I occasionally find irritating is Rachel's charming recklessness.  It's fun most of the time (and I realize she and the author are trying to tone it down this time around), but sometimes she just seems stupid.  If I can remember that her kitchen is not on hallowed ground, she should be able to, even when distracted.   And she takes the word of other characters far too easily for someone who traditionally questions everything.

Still, all of the negatives are outweighed by my genuine interest in the characters and a great sense of pacing.  Would I read it over?  Probably not.  Am I eagerly awaiting the next one?  Absolutely.  And I'm hoping the gargoyle gets a bigger part.

  

(R rating: some sex-like vampire bloodlust, some violence, some swearing [including pixie swearing, which is  more fun than offensive].  This particular volume is probably closer to PG-13, but the series as a whole has an R feel to it.)